Jay was in conversation with Sheetal Thakur…….
a mountain guide leading WalkingWomen holidays in Kerala and the Lower Himalayas in India .
Sheetal is one of the many female entrepreneurs that WalkingWomen love to trust with providing fabulous, life-affirming, sometimes life-changing holidays, for adventurous-in-spirit-women. As part of our focus on menopause this month I was in conversation with her today about her experience of living through peri-menopause whilst working as a mountain guide. Her reaction to my invitation to talk to WalkingWomen was
‘Menopause month opening up this conversation is exactly the kind of permission a lot of women are still waiting for!’
“I live alone with my two dogs in the Kumaon Hills in the northern Indian State of Uttarakhand, in the lower Himalayas away from the crowd.. Its verdant and peaceful with the distant high Himalayan peaks as an awe-inspiring backdrop. There are many trekking paths past lakes and through forests with pine , oaks and rhododendrons. There is an abundance of wildlife, with even an occasional sighting of Leopards. I just love it here.
My father was an Indian army officer, so we moved around a lot and this fuelled my love of travel and my curiosity about people and place. My parents were my biggest supporters. Sadly, my Mum died about fourteen years ago, which was really hard. In India upbringing for girls is very different from that of boys and yet, my parents never differentiated between me and my brother. I love my father to bits, he has never questioned my decisions even when I know that he doesn’t really understand my choices – whatever I have wanted to be, I have been. But sometimes I feel that he doesn’t understand why I love to live alone in the hills.
I set up my company ‘Rainbow Journeys’ in 2014. I wanted to create a company tailor-made just for women. Women who want to connect with the lives of women from other cultures, and who want to take the time for a deeper understanding of India’s heritage, wildlife and landscape. I got in touch with Ginny in 2023 to tell her about my tour company – we have very similar values and a deep passion for enabling women to ‘journey’ in both the physical and emotional sense.
I’m still going through peri-menopause . There’s the physical layer – the hot flushes and brain fog do change how I lead a walk, I never used to share anything of this with the clients, and I still don’t speak about it directly, but with brain fog I’ll be speaking, holding the mic and then can’t remember the word or a name so now I’ll make a joke about it and then everyone joins in – a shared experience- which helps us all.
I began to wonder about my competence to do this work, forgetting things and so on, but now I welcome the change and I welcome my new self – I have changed for the good. I really look forward to leading my tours and meeting the women. Travelling is my passion and I love to show groups of people around my country.
India is vast – it needs more than one life time to explore it!
Women travellers are very open about what is happening to them and that shared experience is so relieving . Women in India are also beginning to talk openly about it – something that wouldn’t have happened a decade ago.
But honestly, the deeper shift for me has been the psychological one.
Now, I love to walk in the forests, in the hills and to ‘go within’ to spend time in contemplation and meditation. To think about who I am and what I want in this world. That really helps me.
I live in a small community in the Himalayas with likeminded people. I have some women friends of my age and we can share what we are going through together –
for women the biggest support is other women,
its still not a conversation I can have with my male friends in detail.
I am an open person and can’t fake how I am feeling- in India the mantra is very much ‘fake it till you make it’ in other words put on a false front, and that’s the biggest challenge – I can’t do that. I see this part of my life as a big learning opportunity– I have a sense that there will be light at the end of this tunnel and you will be a different person – for the better. You start to give importance to yourself. It’s is a big thing to know how you want to lead your life and how you want to spend your time. It sounds selfish, but it’s not – it is learning to live with your truth.
For a while the onset of perimenopause brought me down. I started to lose identity – my sense of self. I have always been a happy-go-lucky person , I loved to party, to go out with big groups of friends, but now I feel differently. It no longer brings me happiness, in fact the opposite is what I need. Initially I really resented this, but I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned to say ‘no’, which is a big thing for women- especially in India!
Learning to say no, becoming more discerning about relationships and friendships, and leaning harder into what I actually love doing — which, for me, is leading people through this incredible country, spending time with myself and my dogs and being close to nature every day. This has made the whole transition so much easier to move through.
You learn discernment, you learn to redirect other people’s choices, your own boundaries your own boundaries and understand that everyone has their own path. I realised once I went ‘inside’ me, that everyone has their own journey and you have to let them ‘Be”
I used to be a people pleaser – I don’t do that anymore. Discernment has replaced people pleasing for me. I can feel the difference in me, the way I conduct my life – you lose your earlier identity and take on the identity of the person that you are now- at this stage in your life. Being congruent in your body and mind is central to our own well-being. You lose a lot of friends because you learn to be who you are, and that no longer serves their needs.
I know menopause isn’t a permanent phase, it’s a journey that all women have to go through. I love my solitude – I believe that we come into this world alone and we leave it alone. In between we meet people who become part of our life , but our end goal is actually to find ourselves. I love the fact that this change in my body and mind has happened – I didn’t at first but if you can understand yourself better, then you are on the right path.
In the last three or four years I have become more spiritually inclined and I feel happy that I have found my peace within myself. That really helps me to take on anything .
I love my solitude but sometimes I wish I had someone in my life to share how I really feel. But I do have some really good friends who understand me – but others can’t – and I don’t even try to make them ! I like to live my life in a certain way , I like calm and peace, I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I have my own gurus – I’m not religious, but I am spiritual, which is an important part of who I am, but I don’t share my that aspect of my life with many people.
Walking in nature—especially among the forests, rivers, and the greater Himalayas—is where I find absolute happiness and peace. These mountains are sacred, holding the energy of many saints who lived and meditated here for centuries. When I am trekking at a higher altitude, I can truly feel that divine energy all around me. The forest has a deeply soothing presence that clears away the noise and always brings out the best version of myself.”
Thank you Sheetal for sharing your thoughts with us, your words have resonated with me and I’m sure will with many WalkingWomen readers too. Sheetal was in conversation with Jay.
